Behold the dimness, as disenfranchised Michigan voter Michael Moore describes his brilliantly incisive voting strategy.
Step 1: Vote Democrat, regardless of candidate:
I haven't spoken publicly 'til now as to who I would vote for, primarily for two reasons: 1) Who cares?; and 2) I (and most people I know) don't give a rat's ass whose name is on the ballot in November, as long as there's a picture of JFK and FDR riding a donkey at the top of the ballot, and the word "Democratic" next to the candidate's name.
Step 2: Unless the Democrat is Hillary Clinton:
Well, that sounded good last year, but over the past two months, the actions and words of Hillary Clinton have gone from being merely disappointing to downright disgusting. I guess the debate last week was the final straw.
Step 3: No, really, just do Step 1 --- Vote Democrat:
I know some of you will say, 'Mike, what have the Democrats done to deserve our vote?' That's a damn good question. In November of '06, the country loudly sent a message that we wanted the war to end. Yet the Democrats have done nothing. So why should we be so eager to line up happily behind them?
Step 4: I'm serious, guys --- Step Freaking One, vote for the party which can't surrender fast enough and incompetantly took away my own vote:
Just as long as their name ain't "Bush" and the word "Republican" is not beside theirs on the ballot, then that's good enough for me.
I, like the majority of Americans, have been pummeled senseless for 8 long years. That's why I will join millions of citizens and stagger into the voting booth come November, like a boxer in the 12th round, all bloodied and bruised with one eye swollen shut, looking for the only thing that matters -- that big "D" on the ballot.
Step 5: (unless it's You-Know-Who):
Mrs. Clinton continues to throw the Rev. Wright up in his face as part of her mission to keep stoking the fears of White America.
Step 6: Finally, avoid Republican Nazis and (did I mention this?) that racist Hillary Clinton --- otherwise Big D all the way:
In the distance we hear the siren of the death train called the Straight Talk Express. We know it's possible to hear the words "President McCain" on January 20th. We know there are still many Americans who will never vote for a black man. Hillary knows it, too. She's counting on it.
He wraps it up:
Pennsylvania, the state that gave birth to this great country, has a chance to set things right. It has not had a moment to shine like this since 1787 when our Constitu --- IS SOMEONE FRYING BALONEY?!? {stampedes from room}
