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{Sniff}:
Those close to the Kennedy family are appalled at how Caroline's brief political career has fared. "Everything that was special about her got stripped away," says one. But this source, among others, says Caroline, an intensely private person who has made her impact largely through charity and volunteer projects, may not in fact be suited to the rough-and-tumble family business.
Politically, Caroline was, you know, like a candle in the wind. A dim, entitled candle.
Not A Douche. Really.
The inevitable convergence of Madoff-esque financial fraud and Bailout Nation is complete with the bizarre mystery of missing wealth management executive and apparent fraudster Marcus Schrenker.
You see, by attempting to fake his own death in an aircrash, Master of the Universe Schrenker tried to bail himself out of financial distress --- literally:
Authorities searched for Marcus Schrenker Monday after he appeared to have made a phony distress call and secretly parachuted to safety near Birmingham, Ala. His single-engine plane continued flying on autopilot and eventually crashed late Sunday more than 200 miles away in a swampy area of the Florida Panhandle.
What kind of financial meltdown would prompt such a Hollywood plot?
1. As an agent, he allegedly stimluated his own economy stiffed his insurance company for $1.4 million:
Schrenker was an insurance agent for National Western from 2003 to 2006, according to court records. During that time, he collected more than $1.4 million in advance commissions on policies that ultimately went unsold or that lapsed in some way.
CMI claims Schrenker was legally obligated to repay the commissions to National Western, but never did. CMI is now suing Schrenker for breach of contract and unjust enrichment. Oh, and it wants the money back.
2. The G-Men were on his trail:
Authorities in Indiana have said little about the nature of the investigation into Schrenker's businesses --- Heritage Wealth Management Inc., Heritage Insurance Services Inc. and Icon Wealth Management --- wealth management companies that provide financial advice. Jim Gavin, a spokesman for Indiana's secretary of state, said investigators are looking at possible securities violations, and officers who searched Schrenker's home Dec. 31 were looking for laptops, computers, notes, photos and other documents related to those companies.
3. He lost a half-million dollar judgement to another insurance company:
On Friday, two days before the crash, a federal judge in Maryland issued a $533,500 judgment against Heritage Wealth Management Inc., and in favor of OM Financial Life Insurance Co. The OM lawsuit contended that Heritage Wealth Management should have returned more than $230,000 in commissions because there were problems with insurance or annuity plans Heritage had sold.
4. Oh and forget piddling multi-million dollar securities and insurance fraud, Schrenker was dealing with the worst thermonuclear financial nightmare any man ever faces:
Court records show his wife, Michelle, filed for divorce a day before the searches.
GERONIMO!
Behold My Trophies!
It's enough to make a feller radio in a fake May Day, force the military to scramble jets to respond to his phony air emergency, crash his own expensive private plane (possibly into an orphanage, environmentally protected wetland or a litigious bystander's house), do a shrieking nighttime paradrop into the swamps of Peckerwood, Alabama, and go underground with a new identity on a quest to find the One-Armed Insurance Broker Who Set Him Up.
And still face 1-4 above.
So, while we wait for Schrenker to get collared by Alabama police, here's some video. First is a local TV report from the plane crash site in Florida (video de-embedded because it was causing script errors --- see it here instead).
And here are Schrenker's aerial acrobatics on display in his one and only video posted to YouTube:
Oh yeah, the big honking logo sponsor on his sport plane? AmerUs, yet another insurance company. Uh oh.
UPDATE: Schrenker receives his emergency government investment ---- three hots and a cot in a Florida pokey.
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